I am a nervous person

First of all:

I think I might have anxiety. Or ADD. They're pretty interchangeable because both have similar symptoms. Anxiety can cause ADD-like behavior, and people with ADD are 6 times more likely to develop depression/anxiety/etc.

To those of you thinking it might be ADD, you're probably wrong. My counselor started thinking that too, but is now leaning towards anxiety. We're talking about it again next week. We've only met once (this past Tuesday). Let's just say that next time we might be talking about my dad. Which will be...interesting. I'm going to make a chart of ADD-like stuff and anxiety-like stuff that I do for next week.

And...my mom had heart surgery on Sunday. After waiting a very long time starting at 9 am, she finally got into the OR at 5 pm. She wasn't allowed to eat since midnight the day before (technically sunday, but whatever), so I felt bad for my poor hungry mom. Then at about 6:30, she finally had her pacemaker.

Let me clarify a few things about my mom.
1. My mom has a heart problem. Her heart is too muscley and big, so it works better than it needs to.
2. My mom's only 52 (53 in May)
3. My mom's mother died of congestive heart failure long before I, or any of my cousins, were born (so, like 30ish years ago).
4. My mom is 100 kinds of awesome.
5. She wears the deodorant that smells like baby powder (I have always loved this about my mom. I dunno why)

But mom's all good. She's got 2 weeks of no driving, no lifting her left arm higher than her shoulder, and working from home until she feels like going back (which would be awesome if I were actually home to bother her). I love my mom lots and lots.

More important information!!

I have met the most incredible guy on the planet (or at least at Camp Northland). He will be referred to as A for the sake of pseudo-privacy.
I like him so much that when we talk, I feel like my chest and head could explode at the same time.
Just talking to him on chat makes me flail around my room like some love-drink fish.
He's clever, cute, funny, handsome, driven, athletic, and an all-around great guy.
I am trying really hard not to let my low self-esteem get in the way. Like, really really really trying. Because he is...amazing. And Missy-approved.

Missy said A is the only guy that I've liked that she could ever wholeheartedly approve of. Her and Hessica said that we seem like we'd be a really cute couple and that we have good flow (whatever that means).

The other day at the caf, we ended up walking there from class together, and he sat down next to me at the table I was at with Missy and Hessica. And apparently, those two think that we're perfect for each other. They reported that we had no weird awkward pauses, and that we seem like we'd be just a fun couple.
Since then, I've been asking them if they think he's into me. They both agree yes, and Missy is getting sick of me asking.

This is where the self-esteem monster comes in. I asked Missy why he would like me. And she countered, asking, "Christina G, why wouldn't he like you?" To which I answered that I didn't think I was pretty/cute/etc. And then she gave me the "you are a dumb bitch" face, and told me I was being silly and that I was really pretty and stuff. I then asked her and Jessica if they were just saying that to make me feel better (they said no).
I need to find some self-esteem. I'm working on it. It's a hard thing to do.

Anyway, I'm procrastinating on my lab right now (part of this is Alex's fault). (Ah! A sign of anxiety!!) I will catch you bloglets later.