Sunday, October 25, 2009

HvZ: Night of the outbreak

Here is the letter I received this afternoon:

For four years, between 1959 and 1962, 1,448+ barrels containing benzene, PCBs, lead, cadmium, barium, hexavolent chromium and most likely radioactive materials were rolled off barges into Lake Superior by the United States Army. The wastes came from the Twin Cities Army Ammunition Plant (TCAAP), Minnesota’s largest Superfund site, which at the time was run by Honeywell, Corp. The contents of all the barrels has never been fully made known since only nine barrels have ever been brought up and tested.

Last week, another barrel was brought up....

A fishing boat out near Superior pulled up an unusual catch yesterday. They found in one of their nets a fifty year old barrel. The barrel was pulled aboard but cracked open on the deck due to it's weakened state. The deckhand, an unidentified student from Northland College, cleaned up the ooze from the barrel. Upon returning to shore the deckhand went into a rage and ran off into the night.

WARNING---INFECTION BEGINS AT SUNDOWN.

THIS IS A WARNING FOR ALL NORTHLAND RESIDENTS. STUDENTS AMONG YOU MAY BE INFECTED WITH THE H1Z1 VIRUS. SYMPTOMS INCLUDE:

RISING FROM THE DEAD

SEVERE HUNGER FOR BRAINS

INTENSE REACTION TO NERF DARTS AND BALLED-UP SOCKS

THE ASHLAND AREA HAS BEEN QUARANTINED UNTIL THE END OF THE WEEK. ALL HUMANS THAT SURVIVE THE WEEK MAY BE EVACUATED.

GOOD LUCK.

Since 8:00 PM, I have been cooped up in my apartment, drinking Stewart's fountain classics and enjoying the internet. However, I have also been preparing myself. Ammunition is hidden everywhere: I have socks in my coat pockets and my backpack; I figured out how to remove the screen from my bathroom window; I have two foam-shooting guns at my disposal and plentiful ammunition for them. All I don't know is who my friends are.

I feel like a rogue.

I don't know who this poor infected college student is, but I will not hesitate to take any and all of my former friends and classmates down.

I have enough food to last me the week.

If I turn before Tuesday hits, I am going to be so pissed!

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